69 James Blunt tweets guaranteed to make you laugh
IMAGE: BRITTA PEDERSEN/PICTURE-ALLIANCE/DPA/AP IMAGES/TWITTER/@JAMESBLUNT/MASHABLE COMPOSITE
LONDON — The title of "funniest British person on Twitter" is a hotly contested one.
Obviously Danny Dyer has a very strong Twitter game, and rarely a day goes by when J.K. Rowling doesn't tweet something brilliant.
But there's another contender who could give both of them a run for their money.
With his unique mix of brutal self-deprecation, even more brutal comebacks, and gloriously filthy ripostes, James Blunt has a Twitter game that contrasts spectacularly with his gentle song lyrics.
We've rounded up some of his best efforts below.
1. This straight-to-the-point album announcement.
If you thought 2016 was bad - I'm releasing an album in 2017.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 13, 2016
2. The time he shared an important warning.
*WARNING* if you see an email saying, "2 free tickets to James Blunt", DO NOT open it. It contains 2 free tickets to James Blunt.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) August 27, 2011
3. This memorable comeback.
Damn thing's always getting caught under my feet. RT @laurenlyall: Why does James Blunt sing like his willy is being stood on?— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 16, 2013
4. This weather update.
This is the sort of snow that makes me strip off and start singing...— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 14, 2013
5. The time he saw the perfect opportunity to plug his new music.
NO NEED. I HAVE A NEW ALBUM COMING SOON. @katy_nicolson: Can we all take a moment and remember just how terrible James Blunt was— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) February 18, 2013
6. This unfortunate anecdote.
I just overheard someone say to their friend, "Look there's a smaller version of James Blunt!"— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) April 29, 2013
7. This spectacularly empathetic response.
Me too. And even worse, I realised I was! @shigham77 @Lloydy_78 I'm having a bad weekend, some guy just asked me if I was James Blunt!?— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 2, 2013
8. The time he told a harsh truth.
I swear on my life, I don't. RT @Espinalx3: No worries at least James Blunt thinks you are beautiful.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 11, 2013
9. The time he offered some words of comfort.
As long as she didn't say you sing like me, you're fine RT @NathWimlett: the lady in the post office told me i look like James Blunt #hmmmm— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 10, 2013
10. The time he made an important correction.
Even less than that! The song was only 3 minutes and 30 seconds long. RT @_dearjocelyn: James Blunt had his 15 min of fame and disappeared— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 15, 2013
11. And another.
2006, actually. RT @K_Dick33: Why does James Blunt have a million followers? He stopped being relevant in 2009— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 30, 2015
12. The time he finished someone's sentence in the dirtiest way possible.
Stays in James Blunt. RT @iAreAbby: Whatever happens to James Blunt.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 25, 2013
13. The time he shared this person's dismay.
Agreed. Worse than catching him playing with himself. RT @SmokeySunflower: Caught my brother listening to James Blunt. Wow.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 25, 2013
14. The time he spotted a flaw in this fan's request.
Sorry, but my last name is not spelt 'mcfly' RT @jamesmcflyfan: James, I am your biggest fan. Please follow me. Please.it would make my day— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) August 13, 2013
15. This smooth response.
I'm sorry, but you'll have to get to the back of the queue. RT @Alif_novaldi: Fuck you james blunt— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 8, 2013
16. This simple explanation.
My mum's in the audience. RT @AtaraMcBooth: Who the fuck is cheering for fucking James Blunt.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 11, 2013
17. The time he embraced his critics.
Thanks! Whole album out next Mon! RT @DeirdreHipwell: Have managed to avoid James blunt's new song until now. Bonfire Heart is truly awful.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 15, 2013
18. The time he made someone's day that little bit worse.
Yes. He could start tweeting you. RT @MigsterMMA: Jesus christ, James Blunt's got a new album out. Is there anything else that can go wrong?— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 20, 2013
19. This biblical retort.
Jesus only needed twelve. RT @garymoody65: @JamesBlunt why you only got 200k followers?— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 29, 2013
20. And this one.
Your god can't hear you. He's listening to track 3. RT @HollieShand: Oh god...who let James Blunt release another album?!— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 10, 2013
21. OK, one more.
I did, but you'll NEVER guess what happened on the third day!? RT @gravedads: I thought James Blunt died— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 14, 2013
22. The time he spotted a typo.
Easy spelling mistake as K and L are right beside each other. RT @lizziea1: I want to kick James Blunt... repeatedly... I dont know why— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 24, 2013
23. The time he totally shut down this hater.
I never liked the sound of my own voice. Till it made me rich. @SamanthaMika: Does anyone else HATE james blunt's voice? I can't stand it.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) November 1, 2013
24. This cheerful play on words.
Most of them are single. RT @xox_Shell_xox: Is there one single James Blunt fan out there?— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 8, 2013
25. And this one.
Viagra and coffee mostly. RT @paigefergg: Bloody hell why is James Blunt still going— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 12, 2013
26. The time he refused to admit he's a James Blunt fan.
Nope, you're on your own. RT @chickenoriental: I must be 1 of only 2 who genuinely likes every @jamesblunt song. The other person being him.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 12, 2013
27. The time he brought your mum into things.
Boning your mum. RT @Charlie_1232: James Blunt has a twitter, what would he even tweet about?— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 3, 2014
28. And your grandma.
Only coz I turned her down. RT @anadinskywalker: my grandma just called james blunt a queer— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 15, 2013
29. Your "missus", too.
As does your missus. RT @teamtommo58: James blunt your music sucks #fact— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 31, 2013
30. Oh, and your mum again.
Because I won't pay the child support? RT @Buizel0418: My mom hates James Blunt. xD— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 10, 2014
31. The time he made a confession.
Only I was drunk at the time. RT @tianpogiaf: People who think you're beautiful -
1. Your parents
2. James Blunt— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 16, 2013
32. The time he refused to let rhyming slang get him down.
I foresee a career in poetry. @McKym: James blunt is a cunt— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 31, 2013
33. This absolute mic drop.
And no mortgage. RT @hettjones: James Blunt just has an annoying face and a highly irritating voice— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 24, 2013
34. And this one.
Prince Harry. By text. BOOM! RT @dinolauz: Who the fuck invited James Blunt to the Invictus Games?— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) May 10, 2016
35. This response to an international critic.
Correct. I am indeed hung like a pony. @jazz_mazz: James Blunt is ja auch eher so ein one trick pony oder?— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 4, 2014
36. The time he didn't even need words.
RT @JordanSHill: What ever happened to James Blunt? pic.twitter.com/ahCI6N9ZRn— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 16, 2014
37. This canine-themed burn.
Then your dog should try harder. RT @RachelJohnsto96: @JamesBlunt my dog could do better!!!!!— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 10, 2014
38. This "2 Girls, 1 Cup"-themed burn.
I preferred "2 girls, 1 cup", but whatever you're into. RT @joe__crown: 2 bullets, one gun, James Blunt and Noel Edmunds.. Without doubt— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 16, 2013
39. This gloriously filthy comeback.
Sorry. Wrong hole. RT @Sam_SamV: James Blunt makes my ears bleed— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 20, 2014
40. And this one.
And finishes in your mouth. RT @trimjim90: James Blunt gets on my tits.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) February 21, 2014
41. This one, too.
At least it’s not on your face. RT @MiissAshley: Nothing fucks your vibe up more than James Blunt coming on your Young Money Pandora 🔫— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) September 16, 2014
42. Alright, one more.
And my balls on your chin. RT @thejrodman: Now I have James Blunt stuck in my head...— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) July 6, 2014
43. The time he made an important announcement.
Proud to announce that I will be headlining at ShitFest this year.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) February 7, 2014
44. Not to mention this equally important update.
Am making a solo sex tape. Will leak it online shortly.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) March 8, 2014
45. The time he shared his version of food porn.
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) April 26, 2014
46. The time he refused to give Ed Sheeran special treatment.
@JamesBlunt marry me?— Ed Sheeran (@edsheeran) February 7, 2014
These kind of requests need to go through management, please. RT @edsheeran: @JamesBlunt marry me?— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) February 7, 2014
47. The time he compared himself to Justin Bieber.
Can't believe Justin Bieber's balls dropped before mine.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) March 17, 2014
48. The time he gave some medical advice.
Then you need to see a doctor. @Lewisscoot: @JamesBlunt looks like my left testicle— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) April 30, 2014
49. The time he shared his "guilty pleasure".
Mine is anal. RT @OliviaMae_98: James Blunt is my guilty pleasure 😍— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) August 8, 2014
50. His explanation for the lack of tour dates in Scotland.
The Scots have taste. RT @heatherhjordisX: Why is james blunt not touring in scotland??????— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) July 30, 2014
51. This abrupt update.
Struggling to finish off with my left hand.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) July 26, 2014
52. His suggestion for a band name.
If I was in a band, it would be called,
"Limp Willy And The Disappointments"— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) August 9, 2014
53. This timeless reply.
It's only halfway in. RT @Thomasemaan: Just realized how short James Blunt is !!!— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 19, 2014
54. And this one.
Unless I find your bum. RT @zomboy666: I've got fucking James Blunt in my head. I suppose at least that means my day can't get any worse.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 16, 2015
55. This name-changing anecdote.
My real name is James Blount, but I changed it as people teased me that it rhymed with 'count'.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) November 19, 2014
56. The time he made an important distinction.
I was talking to the driver. RT @Chelsea_Goulden: Just got in a taxi and You're Beautiful by James Blunt is playing. Why thank you kind sir😂— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) November 23, 2014
57. This harsh wakeup call.
Not even I think you’re beautiful.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 3, 2015
58. The time he showed off his hilarious powers of self-deprecation.
Yup, it's called "Greatest Hit". RT @Farrsigh: There's a "best of" James Blunt? Really?— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 8, 2015
59. Actually, he's done this on quite a few occasions.
Sorry haven’t Tweeted in a while. I Blocked myself by mistake.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 17, 2016
60. Lots of occasions.
For Lent, I've given up music. There is a god.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) February 20, 2015
61. This might be our favourite one.
On this week, 10 years ago, your music taste sucked ass. pic.twitter.com/eQ6clu6F2h— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) July 23, 2015
62. The time he expected the worst.
I'm guessing this is not good. RT @supermarton: James Blunt es lo peor que le ha pasado a la humanidad desde Hitler— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) January 23, 2015
63. The time he chipped in with his thoughts on Eurovision.
You know we’d win the Eurovision Song Contest if you just had the balls to enter me.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) March 9, 2015
64. This name change.
ANNOUNCEMENT: In keeping with other greats such as Prince, J Lo and Diddy, I announce that henceforth, I am to be known only as J Blo.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) April 1, 2015
65. This no-nonsense burn.
Yeah, I bought those 20 million albums myself. RT @TroyJosephDavis: no one really likes James Blunt right?— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) April 17, 2015
66. The time he celebrated his Spotify income.
I get paid £00.0004499368 per stream. Beers are on me! Cheers @Spotify.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 17, 2015
67. This smutty riposte.
Depends where I put it. RT @paulinaboncan: Little bit of james blunt never hurt anybody— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 3, 2016
68. This one, too.
Then sit on something else. RT @PhoebeChristaki: James Blunt's face fully aggravates me— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 21, 2016
69. And finally, what may be the greatest tweet of all time.
I’d fuck me.— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 1, 2015
James Blunt may have a new album coming out this year, but we really, really hope he still finds the time to tweet.
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